SWITZERLAND FORUM

[cklaurence]

Thanks for that, Em! I was beginning to think it was I who was out of line there. How could I have raised my son so wrong, lol? We've been arguing this point for years, and for the life of me, I don't know where he gets his insane point of you from--especially considering our particularly obnoxious division rivals. He has this skewed vision of "loyalty." I think it's because he's young and still has the college mentality about things...

[Emeritus]

Most of your division rivals - since it's not our division - are objects of indifference to me. The exception are the Jets. I've always disliked them, back to the days of Joe Namath. They have always had an attitude that reflects everything unlikeable about New Yorkers. I've encountered plenty of Giants fans that I like. The Jets seem to attract the hoodlums.

[cklaurence]

We'd always been considered the 'goody two shoes' of our division. Buffalo has always been rough and tumble, the Jets (who I actually had a soft spot for when Namath played for them) weren't so bad, save for their nasty fans--until the past several years when the coaches got ugly, and NE? Shoot, the fans and the team were pretty much dead until BB came in and turned the team into a killing machine and the bandwagon came to town. They have no shame at all. It is almost completely a bandwagon town and probably the most offensive in our division. I only hope the day comes when the Fins can hold their heads up and play competitive ball once again. It, as you know, is too painful to go year after year without ever even having a chance. I feel much like Alice, peering through the looking glass...

[Emeritus]

I know all about going year after year with only disappointments. After all, we've never made the playoffs. Still, it has to be better than to be in your position. After all, the Dolphins fans have had so many great years that this must seem doubly bad by comparison. There is something to be said for low expectations. By the way, I didn't mean that I disliked Joe Namath, who after all wasn't a New Yorker. It is the Jets fans and the New York sports writers that I dislike.

[cklaurence]

I understand, Em. After all, Joe Namath made football fun for everyone--Jet fan or not. His personality came through in his play and you couldn't help but love the game when he was in it. I agree with you one hundred percent on the fans and as well. Totally obnoxious. As someone who has huge numbers of Buffalo, Jets and NE fans coming into our stadium year after year after (now miserable) year, I can tell you that Buffalo and NE fans are equally as obnoxious. We are in the unenviable position of having (now) more of their fans than ours in the stadium. They don't, of course, release results, but season ticket sales have to be at an all-time low. I hear the deals they are offering to get Florida residents to buy packages of tickets and/or one-game purchases that for someone like me that pays a fortune for my 4 tickets and parking pass, it is infuriating. It is not, however, as infuriating as the packages they must be giving to teams we are playing for them to be able to come in and take over our stadium they way they do every single game. It used to just be our division, but now it's every single team. Our next home game he's honoring Tim Tebow--can you imagine? This stuff is just unprecedented.
With regard to the pain being worse because we had only really known how to win in the past, you are so right. Joe Robbie knew football and knew how and who to make it happen. Huizenga started out right, but went wrong when he kept Wannstadt on Jimmy Johnson's say so, when Jimmy Johnson had clearly lost his touch. Huizenga wanted out, so he made that sweetheart deal with Parcells, who was over the hill as well, stuck us with Sparano, but pointed him in the right direction before splitting. Sparano is just totally incapable as a head coach, which was immediately clear, so of course, he was signed to six years. It is just unbelievable. Here I go, whining again...

[Emeritus]

Hey, I know that you are frustrated, ck. The best thing to do is get it off your chest. That's what friends are for. Just keep telling yourself that this too shall pass. As it says in Ecclesiastes, everything has a season. This is the winter of your discontent, but it can't last forever. I promise that to be the last platitude that I use today.

[cklaurence]

Thanks, Em. All the talking heads are predicting we'll be slaughtered Monday night. Poor Jason Taylor's been trying everything to get our players motivated, to no avail. It has taken all the fun out of the game for me this year. I can't remember when I have enjoyed football less. To add to it, as usual, every team I root for has lost--without exception! I can't stand to even listen to the football news...

[Emeritus]

It's been years now, but when Bud Adams took the Oilers out of Houston to become the (eventually) Tennessee Titans, I was really bummed out. I decided that I would never make that kind of emotional investment in a sports team again. I follow the Texans and I'm pleased when they win, but it just isn't profoundly important to me whether they win or lose. I decided that - for me at least - it wasn't smart to invest too much in something over which I had absolutely no control.

[dredwak]

wont catch me rooting for the Eagles...Redskins or Giants...except if it means a post season appearance for the Cowboys...

[cklaurence]

I do understand where you're coming from, Em. I, however, use football as my outlet for anger, angst, frustrations and everything else. I don't wonder that if I didn't have it, I'd stroke out from holding everything in all year around. Unfortunately, all the joy that used to be mingled with it has been lost (sigh).....

[cklaurence]

LOL@DRED!!!!!

[Emeritus]

I haven't been angry or frustrated in a long time. I let go of trying to control people and of expecting them to see things my way. I'm trying to keep my promise to avoid platitudes, but truly, you only have as much freedom as you allow others. As for things like your health, we have to accept that we are going to decline physically. Once you accept that, it is a lot easier to bear.

[cklaurence]

I don't think I'll ever be able to accept the deterioration of health, Em. Even with my illness--whiCH i HAVE accepted. I've learned to just chalk the stuff that belong to the illness off to the illness an ignore everything else...

[Emeritus]

I guess that it's a matter of personal philosophy, ck. I am less concerned with my physical condition than I am with my self-image. As long as I'm comfortable in my own skin, I am OK. I have come to believe that there is very little that I can control anyway. I had to accept my own mortality when I was in Viet Nam and when I had to face the fact that my foot wasn't going to regenerate. I have already lost the people who were a part of me. In spite of all of my failures, it has been a wonderful life, full of great people. I always did the best that I could do at the time and I have no regrets.

[cklaurence]

Your outlook is wonderful, Em. You've been through things in life that could break people easily--fighting in a war, losing a child, combat, losing your wife--yet you still have a positive attitude and are grateful for all the good things you have received. I don't know how you do it. I'm afraid I would be quite bitter, and surely terribly depressed. Hell, I tend to get depressed over fairly trivial things--always have...

[Emeritus]

LOL, it's the trivial things that do upset me. I always step back and ask just how important they are, but only after making a fool of myself. I have a persistent character flaw. I take myself too seriously. On reflection I will kick myself for it, but I seem unable to learn from it. I just have to ask everybody to accept that I am doing the best that I can.

[cklaurence]

I try never to take things too seriously, Em. That's why I hate depression so much--I lose my sense of humor. Once you start taking things too seriously, it'll kill you. That's become my problem with football. When you win games at least as often as you lose them, you can laugh and have a good time with it. When you are losing way more often than winning, it becomes a sad thing and laughter becomes a thing of the past. No joy in football in Miami anymore, even though we try. My brother and I still root against the teams in our division--as IF we have a chance. Every year the same thing. Craziness, but at least it keeps us from going over the deep end...

[Emeritus]

When I have disappointments, I just measure them against important things, like health and friends. My problem is mostly with taking myself too seriously, which is why I keep making a fool of myself.

[cklaurence]

I can't take myself too seriously. My kids would laugh me out of the house, and I'm not kidding about it. The young are so brash about life. I am constantly reminded of how immortal we think we are when we're young. My kids are especially tough on me since I took ill. I'm pretty sure it has to do with anger that there's a 'crack' in my armor. Do you know what I mean? When my mom took ill--and it took me until she passed away to recognize what it was, I would lose my temper easily with her toward the end. Try as I might to keep my patience, I would get upset and I hated myself for it! I spent almost 24 hours a day with her for her last 3 years. Left my dream job with UM to be with her when she was diagnosed with terminal cancer and only expected to live a couple of months. Thankfully, with great care (and never letting her know just how bad her prognosis was), she went into remission for nearly two years, but fought having chemo again when her blood work started to show signs of a return, insisting on waiting until it could be seen on scans, which was against doctor's judgment. By then they needed a much stronger chemo, which mom couldn't take, and the inevitable happened. When my head cleared after she was gone, I realized that I was angry for a couple of reasons. I had abandonment issues for the better part of my life. When I was growing up, my mother was very busy with her career. She was in the opera, and during the season, she was away nights in rehearsal, and as performances got closer, on weekends as well. She also had a day job as a (what would be called now) paralegal and court reporter. In addition, she traveled with the opera and had a night club act (doing pop music) and traveled with that as well. Needless to say, I had a bad case of fear of mom never coming home. Somehow I guess I never really outgrew that fear, and even though I was in my mid forties when mom grew ill, when her behavior changed in that last few months and she went from strong and in-charge to weak and weaker to dependent, that fear kicked in stronger than ever, in fear of the ultimate abandonment--which, naturally did happen. That period of my life is so dark and blacked out, that I may have had the help of a therapist in figuring it out, but I can't for the life of me remember. During that 3 year period, my son Josh lost his best friend (12 yeas old) to Leukemia; I lost my closest cousin (more like a sister) to an extremely violent car accident, and then my mom. It was a very traumatic time, which has not been rivaled until this past summer...
Wow, how'd I get onto that! Sorry. How 'bout them Dolphins, lol!!!

[Emeritus]

Friends are those people that we can tell the things that are important to us. There is a lot of cliché conversation all of the time, but you haven't shared anything until you tell what you feel.

[cklaurence]

This is true, Em. I think over the years the friends and what I like to think of as family here at Switzerland have shared a lot. We've been through many things together, some happy and some sad. We've lost many for different reasons: facebook, disagreements, faux, whatever. Some have stayed, some visit here and there, some hoover (but we have no way of knowing who those people are--not even the administrators I don't think, but I don't know for sure, lol. I'm not an administrator because I am a complete idiot when it comes to anything deeper than posting (for real). Besides, what does it matter who is hoovering anyway? If they aren't interested enough to sign in and be part of our convos, then it really doesn't affect us in any way. There's no secrecy here. We mostly talk about sports and our happiness and disappointments (for Fin fans, it's been all about disappointment for nearly thirteen years most unfortunately) in our teams and now and then in our lives. No state secrets here (that I know of) or if there are, the code is really great because it would have to be between you, Try, Ms Bags and dred and I've never suspected for a moment .I just love this place.
Peter (my hubby) said to me (just the other night) that since the membership has gone so far down and there are so few regular posters now, I ought to consider closing it up and thanking everyone for the years of support and put the money toward something more constructive in my life. I used to think about that all the time. You know that, because I used to think out loud about it right here; but a short while back it occurred to me that if I were to do that, it would make me really sad. I know there's facebook and other forums out there, but they are not the same. Switzerland is like a home to me, and I like to think that those who post here feel the same way. Every now and again when someone from our past shows up and posts out of the blue (like Scott most recently), it validates my feeling and makes me glad that I haven't closed it.
I always think that one day I'm going to get up and open this place up and it will be like old times. Everyone will be here chatting away like they used to be in Ye Olde Switzerland. Oh, I'm not stupid. I know that's not going to happen; but it is a nice thought, isn't it?

[Emeritus]

I just ate way too much jambalaya and had a few Shiner beers with it. I feel like a python that just swallow an antelope! That is very unlike me and now I am miserable. I think that I will be torpid for a spell. Later, friend.

[cklaurence]

Goodnight, dear Em. Feel better. You probably feel much like I did after the Fin game last night, lol.

[Emeritus]

We finally got our first cool morning - in the forties. I had to switch over from air conditioning to heating to warm things up for my bath. This old place has a lot of volume, so it takes a while to warm things up. Then as soon as I was dry I turned it off, so it won't get too warm during the day. This is the time of the year when you run the heat in the morning and the air conditioning in the afternoon. I walked around the yard. I have a rose garden in the rear and I notice that the roses are making a comeback since it isn't so blistering hot. Roses need full sunlight, but they don't like 100 plus temperatures.

[cklaurence]

Low 60s here with low humidity. a pleasure. Josh (my oldest) just visited--which is always a treat for me. He moved all the way cross town, but he' over here running errands. Perhaps he'll have dinner with Peter and me. Sigh. It's so lonely when they leave the nest, but who am I telling?

[Emeritus]

It is a hard adjustment to make, ck. It is a reminder that we have nothing permanently, including those that we love. Our parents grow old and die and our children grow up and move away. All that we can do is appreciate them when we have them and then let them go with love. I'm sorry that you don't have the consolation of religion, because it does help. Atheism is for young people, who are sure that they know everything and are fearless.

[cklaurence]

That is so true, Em. If ever I wish I could believe, it is at this point in my life. My closest friends are very devout Christians, and I admire them so, but try as I might, I can't find my god--not theirs, mine or anyone elses. I keep hoping some non-denominational god will come to me one night and put me on the right track, but it just isn't happening for me. I certainly am open for it and it is very clear to me the difference in people who believe and those who do not. Perhaps some day...

[Emeritus]

This is an area where nobody is an expert and I certainly do not claim to be one! All that I can do is relate my own experience. I found God when I became willing to live my life according to His (or Her, if you prefer) direction. Then I found a peace beyond description. Years later, a friend in Alcoholics Anonymous told me that it is part of their program to turn the control of their lives over to the care of God. As long as we are willfully determined to live life on our own terms, there is no room for God in it, or so it seems to me. I hope that you find your way, my friend.

[cklaurence]

A number of people close to me belong to 12-step programs (seems to be the nature of the beast in today's society); and whereas, they don't specify "god," they do ask that you turn everything over to a "higher power," whatever that may be. That's why I always hope I never have an addiction I can't fight on my own--I just can't believe in a higher power...at least not a benevolent, caring, loving, giving one. I've become such a terrible cynic in my old age.
I wonder where Ms Bags is. I haven't seen her around of late--not even on facebook. I knew she went to NY and was really busy with happy stuff, but it's already been over a week. Maybe I'll give her a call...
It seems that all the talking heads have finally jumped on the bandwagon against Ross (FINALLY)--he's the Dolphins' owner. This honoring of Tim Tebow at half-time tomorrow seems to be the straw that broke the camel's back. On one of my radio shows (I think it was radio), they were saying it was tantamount to robbing your team of a home win. He immediately sold out 20,000 tickets when it was announced that Tebow would be honored. That's pretty sick from anyone's standpoint. No one can believe an owner would go so far to sabotage his own team. There isn't a word about Sparano or anything else--just the turning our stadium over to Denver for the win. Sick, sick, sick.

[Emeritus]

LOL, I've heard that "Higher Power" thing and wondered why they didn't just go ahead and say "God?" Surely more than one higher power would be superfluous. My friend said that they refereed to "God as we understood him." Who understands God? I can't comprehend the infinite. All that I know is that I no longer feel alone, comfort-less, or without help. That makes a lot of difference and all that I had to do was give it a try. I'm a pragmatist. If something works, it is true enough to go with. I tried God and it worked. Ego, there is a God.