WELCOME TO OUR NEW HOME!

[Emeritus]

I used to go places, but I don't like traveling by myself. I don't eat at home because I hate to eat alone. I still have gotten used to it.

[cklaurence]

I would rather eat alone at home than in a restaurant. It is an art (IMHO) to be able to eat alone in public. I'm always so uncomfortable...

[Emeritus]

I wonder why we are that way? Eating alone in public is normal for me, ever since my wife died.

[dredwak]

sitting on my butt in stardollars...but there are lots of folks here...all of us alone...

[LadyHawk]

I would rather eat alone at home than in a restaurant. It is an art (IMHO) to be able to eat alone in public. I'm always so uncomfortable...

My grandmother was the same way... I've gotten used to it over time.

[cklaurence]

I wish I could!

[Emeritus]

My favorite restaurant is only a block away from my home, the only business in a residential neighborhood. It is located in a fine old home where a childhood friend once lived. There is little parking and there are seldom many customers. They stay in business only by charging high prices. The food is excellent, the service is good and the place is quiet. I eat there a lot.

[cklaurence]

Maybe if they lowered their prices they could stay in business by feeding more customers. I guess it's better for you this way, though, because you always have a parking space and a good table, lol.

[Emeritus]

Actually, I walk there when the weather is fine. There is no way that they could accommodate large crowds, so serving more people isn't an option.

[LadyHawk]

When you have NO CHOICE but to get used to something different, you adjust. Some people become creatures of habit and get comfortable with life being a certain way all the time... In my 42 young years, I've learned to adapt.

I've learned that I cannot depend on others for happiness.
Or to take care of me.
I've learned to eat alone.
I've learned to live alone.
I've learned how to purchase a house on my own. And keep it and the yard up on my own.
I've learned to take care of a car on my own.
I've learned to be a single parent.

Next I imagine I will learn how to purchase a car on my own.

[Emeritus]

Congratulations, LadyHawk. You are officially mature. A lot of people never learn to operate independently. When we have relationships, it should be because we want to, not because we need somebody to take care of us. Of course that's just my opinion, so don't put a lot of stock in it.

[LadyHawk]

Thanks Emeritus.

I really learned to become independent while I was married - how sad is THAT?!

[cklaurence]

Purchasing a car is a piece of cake, Lady. You've already mastered the really tough stuff. Being a single mom is the most difficult job on the planet, and from all I've been able to see, you are an amazing mom!

[Emeritus]

That's pretty sad, because it means the you were married to somebody that you couldn't depend on. There are some really nice people who just can't get the idea of personal responsibility. They can be charming as hell, but they don't make good partners.

[cklaurence]

Thanks Emeritus.

I really learned to become independent while I was married - how sad is THAT?!

That's not uncommon, Lady. Even in good marriages, women often have to carry a large part of the load. In your case, the marriage had problems, so you probably learned a lot more, a lot more quickly than most! I'm thinking what I want to say is, "You rock, sistah!"

[LadyHawk]

That's pretty sad, because it means the you were married to somebody that you couldn't depend on. There are some really nice people who just can't get the idea of personal responsibility. They can be charming as hell, but they don't make good partners.

You just described my ex to a TEE. I still can't depend on him. And now our children (especially our daughter) are learning they can't depend on him either. Sad.

[Emeritus]

The only thing that I had to learn in marriage was that my wife was always right. We both had careers, so we had to share responsibilities. It was a pleasure, actually.

[LadyHawk]

Thanks Emeritus.

I really learned to become independent while I was married - how sad is THAT?!

That's not uncommon, Lady. Even in good marriages, women often have to carry a large part of the load. In your case, the marriage had problems, so you probably learned a lot more, a lot more quickly than most! I'm thinking what I want to say is, "You rock, sistah!"

Thanks CK. It's been funny recently - I am still very much in contact/loved by my ex's family. So many of them have told me they were shocked our marriage lasted as long as it did. One of his cousin's wives told me recently at a party that she and her husband were at one of our parties years ago and she asked her husband, "Why does Victoria put up with him? He treats her like s***." He hasn't changed. I don't envy his girlfriend...and I'm not jealous of her either. I talk to my ex very little anymore, and what little we do communicate is via text only. I'm much happier not communicating with him.

[cklaurence]

Aw, Lady--that is the really sad thing. Watching children deal with disappointment of any kind is rough, but when it is so close to home, it is horrible. I'm so sorry it has to be that way, but your ex has now shown everyone exactly who he is--some day he might recognize that, but it will be too late and he'll learn about real pain as well.

[cklaurence]

Thanks Emeritus.

I really learned to become independent while I was married - how sad is THAT?!

That's not uncommon, Lady. Even in good marriages, women often have to carry a large part of the load. In your case, the marriage had problems, so you probably learned a lot more, a lot more quickly than most! I'm thinking what I want to say is, "You rock, sistah!"

Thanks CK. It's been funny recently - I am still very much in contact/loved by my ex's family. So many of them have told me they were shocked our marriage lasted as long as it did. One of his cousin's wives told me recently at a party that she and her husband were at one of our parties years ago and she asked her husband, "Why does Victoria put up with him? He treats her like s***." He hasn't changed. I don't envy his girlfriend...and I'm not jealous of her either. I talk to my ex very little anymore, and what little we do communicate is via text only. I'm much happier not communicating with him.

The thing is, Lady, you want to believe that it will get better. You keep smiling and putting on a good face socially, ignoring the petty crap that goes on, until you just can't do it any more. I think you just hit a wall and that's it! You just can't continue the charade.

[Emeritus]

I don't know anything about divorce, but I expect that they are hardest on the children. I'm afraid that many of them wonder if it's their fault and that would be tragic. Eventually they will understand that not all people are compatible, but I imagine that's hard to grasp when you're a child. Again, I know nothing about it and I'm just guessing.

[LadyHawk]

Aw, Lady--that is the really sad thing. Watching children deal with disappointment of any kind is rough, but when it is so close to home, it is horrible. I'm so sorry it has to be that way, but your ex has now shown everyone exactly who he is--some day he might recognize that, but it will be too late and he'll learn about real pain as well.

It is sad, CK. Our daughter is now 11 and she's on the cusp of not even wanting to spend time at her dad's anymore. Heck, she asked him to bring her home early last time she visited because he doesn't make their visits fun or even interesting for them. He's in for a helluva wake up call some day.

[LadyHawk]

I don't know anything about divorce, but I expect that they are hardest on the children. I'm afraid that many of them wonder if it's their fault and that would be tragic. Eventually they will understand that not all people are compatible, but I imagine that's hard to grasp when you're a child. Again, I know nothing about it and I'm just guessing.

Our kids weathered it pretty well. I think the younger the children are, the easier it is for them to adjust. Especially if the parents can divorce amicably and keep peaceful. Our children are NOW seeing for themselves who the drama artist is between their parents...who has the least patience and has the anger problems.

I'll give you a clue...its not me.

[Emeritus]

One of the things that I've learned is that nobody makes someone else angry. There are just angry people and they react to others that way. All of us can experience anger when our needs are threatened, but angry people habitually relate to others with anger. It's their response to anything that opposes them. It must be a sad way to live. All that you can do with people like that is to avoid them as much as possible.

[LadyHawk]

One of the things that I've learned is that nobody makes someone else angry. There are just angry people and they react to others that way. All of us can experience anger when our needs are threatened, but angry people habitually relate to others with anger. It's their response to anything that opposes them. It must be a sad way to live. All that you can do with people like that is to avoid them as much as possible.

That's why I've consciously chosen to avoid my ex now, Emeritus. Life is much more pleasant without him in my life.

[Emeritus]

What a good idea! There is no point in putting yourself in an uncomfortable place unless you have to. Life is way too short to waste on people who make you unhappy. There are a lot of nice people out there and I'm sure that you enjoy being around a lot of them.

[LadyHawk]

What a good idea! There is no point in putting yourself in an uncomfortable place unless you have to. Life is way too short to waste on people who make you unhappy. There are a lot of nice people out there and I'm sure that you enjoy being around a lot of them.

LOL...I wasted too many years on someone who is perpetually unhappy. I do prefer the company of people whose company makes me smile and laugh...

[Emeritus]

I've known people like that. Even when they are in a happy situation they find a way to sabotage it. It's really sad, but I don't believe in borrowing sorrow. There's no point in buying in a problem that can't be solved. The worst mistake in the world is to believe that you can make somebody else happy. That has to come from within.

[LadyHawk]

EXACTLY!! Happiness comes from within...

[Emeritus]

I've really enjoyed this chat. Unfortunately, duty calls. I hope that we can have another discussion like this again. Good evening.